It is a vein, a heart source flowing red with blood and is bigger than life size. I can see it in my mind’s eye like a big worm, a leech, a throbbing damp tunnel of beliefs and boundaries and an internal, unconscious spasm. I am seeing it as a 3D autopsy. It is a part of me and inside of me too. I am a scientist seeing it from the perspective of a coursing, bulbous thought system that has been so relevant, both hidden and glaringly apparent, in my life. The perspective is visual and visceral: a giant tube of red capillaries and dark veins. Every visual has a corresponding internal emotional place, a pang.
In seeing it as an image: I am holding this veiny corpuscle, like a fire hose of an aorta. It throbs on the inside of me too, touching my raw nerve. It is part of me and yet now it is outside and revealed. It is my doing and my un-doing. I understand it completely. It is unfathomable. Un-fuckingbelievable. “Oh yeah. I see that.” I say and squirm.
Johannes looks like a poet, beatnik philosopher with a disarming charm and natural good looks. He is the artist and the muse. I have no idea what he just asked me: for one thing the Dutch pronunciation of Chinese words is new to me. Oh, and, excuse me, my insides are leaking out. But please do go on. I insist. It is an ache that is good like squeezing out blood from a cut or scratching an itch or sex. It feels like that Roberta Flack song: “Strumming my pain with his fingers. Singing my life with his words.”
Well, on second thought, it wasn’t as heavy as all that. Perhaps a Doors tune would be more fitting:
“Yeah! Come on, come on, come on, come on. Now touch me, baby
Can’t you see that I am not afraid?
What was that promise that you made?”
I recognize it because I have been living it my entire life. This is what I thought repeatedly as Johannes eloquently gave my reading. I can honestly say that every word resonated in some way. Some things he said were so succinct that I felt uncovered, revealed, and understood all at the same time. His in depth renderings of life long issues, with which I have grappled, were related plainly and clearly. This was so much the case that it made me laugh at times. And Johannes would ask me “What is that smile Maggie? Why are you laughing?” “If you only knew,” I think, and keep it to myself. It was as if it was all so simple now to see.
Johannes asked me for my birth date and from that he derived four hexagrams that represent different areas of my life path. Johannes describes the categories of each hexagram:
“The bottom hexagram is called the Dao-hexagram. It shows the main theme in your life. It’s the central pivot, the root. The second hexagram, called the relation-hexagram, is the one on the left of the model. It represents the way an individual presents himself in the outer world. It speaks to our relationships and also how the individual ‘sees’ their mother connection. The third hexagram, the one on the right, is called the individuation hexagram. It symbolizes the lessons someone had (or has) to learn in life in order to become more balanced. It shows what a person finds difficult in life. It also represents the energy of the father. The upper hexagram, the fourth in the model is called the abundance hexagram. It shows how a person can come to the field of flow, of abundance. If someone feels lack of abundance in life, this is the pattern which shows him the way to get there again. When the Dao-hexagram is the root, this one is the crown.”
I recorded our session and took notes, which I am glad I did because it was quite a lot to take in. Amusingly my part of the conversation did not record except for sounding like the muffled voice of a Peanut’s character authority figure. “Wonk wonk.” It is just as well that I do not have to suffer the sound of my stammering. I think it helps to have some understanding of hexagrams, trigrams, and elements, but the information he provides is very detailed, relatable, and specific.
The hexagram I received in the place of Dao and main life theme is H25. I noted the irony of this hexagram which is often translated as “Innocence.” It has been a life theme from all sides: the loss of it, the quest for it, the regaining of it. The theme also captures my need or desire to fit in, to find approval, and do what is right which seems to contrast with a natural response in the moment.
Johannes explained that it is not uncommon for the hexagram received in this place to be an irony and a kind of inside-out perception. He explained that Hitler’s hexagram is H11 which is commonly translated as “Peace.” Donald Trump’s hexagram is H41 commonly translated as “Decrease” or “Loss” and where the judgment says: “The superior man controls his anger and restrains his instincts.” But it is not merely advice on the best way to deal with the issues of life, it also explains the underlying motivations and the nature of the challenges encountered.
You can read his article on Donald Trump here:
It is with some dismay that I discovered that Donald Trump and I have the same hexagram in the area of “relations and how we present ourselves to the world.” However, there is a struggle with issues related to heaven, patriarchy and rules that define my particular life path. None-the-less, it is interesting to consider. I know the type all too well.
Johannes made a time for the call, which figured in our time zones and schedules. Then, two hours before the scheduled time, he asked that we start early, because he was ready. Damn, I was still in my pajamas. It is in my nature (as Johannes would later tell me) to seek harmony and follow along, so I asked for 15 minutes to pull myself together. This is another reason I was ill-prepared to answer questions about the bagua and their arrangements. I am prepared with excuses, if nothing else.
I have this way of approaching life that is romanticized and I feel things as if it is an epic tale. The global I Ching community is ripe with wizards, scholars, teachers, artists, and all sorts of deep thinkers. People I meet on the internet feel famous to me. Screens make them look like movie stars. I find video calling to be intimate. This person is in my living room, so up close and personal. It is wonderful and intimidating all at once. I felt shy and a wee bit tongue-tied. Johannes then goes unraveling my life issues, challenges, weaknesses, and fears like he is the ghost writer of my unpublished memoir. He put it all matter-of-fact and with details that had me moving backwards, at least metaphorically… like “what?” This is interspersed with his view of the workings of the universe that is compelling and familiar.
In writing this I struggle with the very issues discussed. How do I express and reveal myself without being shocking? How can I transform the shock into creativity? Is there a way to express it helpfully, innocently, and without embroiling? My life path has been fraught with challenges with patriarchy “father bound” with heaven on top, and I am thunder and wood: following and stirring things up and yearning to grow.
The quick version of my life story is to experience an unrelenting thunderstorm. So I won’t tell it until I gain clarity on how best to come from innocence. Johannes’ reading has sparked a renewed vision and understanding that I will endeavor to incorporate in my creative pursuits.
The reading has provoked thought, but that, Johannes says, is what I do too much. I can think it through on all sides, but it is earthy action I need to take. His comprehensive, accurate, and precise reading has done much more for me than simply make sense of the past. It has given me new tools and confidence to move forward. I feel more sure footed in my direction and how to achieve my goals. My destiny is indeed nourished.
I will conclude with a song that has been stuck in my head since this reading. It may well be my anthem for writing my story. “All I gotta do is act naturally.”
I highly recommend contacting Johannes:
(The website isn’t in English yet. There is an automatic translation-button for English on it that gives spotty translations).